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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29015886">Phantom Pain</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/OldGrayWolf/pseuds/OldGrayWolf'>OldGrayWolf</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Violence, add more when needed, spoiler to the special ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:14:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,226</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29015886</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/OldGrayWolf/pseuds/OldGrayWolf</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Johnny Silverhand woke up. People told him that it’s 2077, it’s the Night City, that the Arasaka Tower burnt to the ground a second time, and a daredevil mercenary blew up half the lunar orbit to save him from being a biochip and frozen artifact. He must have done some crazy enough shit to fool her into that. The problem's -- he didn’t remember it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Johnny Silverhand/Female V</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>176</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>***<br/>
Too many people came to visit, at least too many for a guy who's been dead for 50 years. Seeing Rogue and Kerry was an unexpected joy, and Nancy and Bes were the bonus. But when Henry (wearing a coat that he probably borrowed from Kerry) walked into the locked ward within two hours of his waking up, Johnny started to get confused.</p><p>"What's going on here?" He said to Kerry while waving Henry out of the door. The other man had a silly happy smile on his face, oblivious to Johnny's fretful manner. "I didn't know that the dead were able to maintain social networks. Fuck, even if  I was in a coffin 50 years ago, Henry would still fail to show up sober".</p><p>"Don't be mean," Kerry consoled him, a similar tone to cajoling an angry cat. Exasperated, Johnny thought better of the metaphor.<em>Don't know anyone who kept a cat.  </em> "It took us a long time to find and help him, and I'd say thanks to V, you know, Henry is a lot more normal after that comeback show."</p><p>"All Right," Johnny said. This again, this name, this question. "Now tell me who the hell this V is."</p><p>Apparently, Rogue, who had left in a hurry, hadn't found a chance to tell Kerry the news. The smirk on Kerry's face fell to pieces. His expression changed, suspicion turned to shock, and then, just like Rogue-- damn it, <em>sympathy</em>.<br/>
"You're fucking kidding me, Johnny," his best friend said. "Shit. You are serious."</p><p>Kerry walked out, with the same complicated look shown on Rogue's face. Johnny sat alone on the edge of the bed. There was a throbbing pain in the back of his head, a twitching of his fingertips, and a huge void in his chest as if he lost something but he didn't even know that. Whenever he glimpsed around the corner of the room, his intuition looked for some particular thing that should be there. Like a Phantom Limb Pain. He had a similar experience when he lost that arm. He needed nicotine. He unplugged the IV and rummaged around the room. There were no windows in the little room, and he hesitated at the door, did not go out when he thought about doing it.</p><p>He didn't leave. Because the ripper doc who looked like a retired boxing champion warned him not to. And also because, shit, if he dared admit it,he didn't know what he'd see out there.</p><p>Fifty years? What kind of concept was that? He met enough acquaintances, but he knew it was probably all he had left. They all seemed to have moved on.Rogue was the polished Queen of fixers, Kerry built his own music brand, Nancy was the voice of a TV channel, and even Henry was trying to develop a real relationship. And he jumped out from some half a century ago ice, with nothing but a head full of old melodies and deep-seated anger. Hell, even the anger was out of date. Because some crazy mercenary single-handededly completed the mission that he once died for by wiping the Arasaka family off of the Night City map.</p><p>And she blew up the Crystal Palace. Kerry said. Arasaka's fortress in lunar orbit.</p><p><em>Great.  </em>Johnny cursed the floor. Back in his time, that's something he might appreciate. Shit, he'd definitely wanna buy her a drink. But in this strange new world, in this dark little room, all alone thinking about the whole thing, it only made him more anxious and angry.<br/>
There's no what he wanted in the cupboard either. He slammed the cabinet door and finally decided to get the hell out of here. Just at that time, a click behind him, someone opened the door gently. It's not Rogue or Kerry. It's the doctor strong or his weird assistant. Without looking back, he said, "Where do you stack your cigarettes?"</p><p>The entrant was silent for a moment.A strong presentiment came over Johnny. He turned back. A young woman was standing by the door, dark hair, slight figure, eyes fixed on him. In the less angry corners of his brain, he found her hot: her curvy, her knife-edge feeling, a combination of beauty and wildness. But there was something in her eyes that made his stomach twist sharply. Kindness. Sadness.  <em>sympathy</em>. It's that woman.<br/>
"All right." "He sneered, letting hostility seep into every word." I guess you're V."</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>"That's me. "V said briefly, a few biting comments bubbling up to this situation, but she decided she'd better keep them. Johnny stood in front of her, still wearing the Arasaka lab uniform where they labeled him like a fucking war trophies. ("We don't know what will happen, kid." Victor said, "too long, too damaged, he might never wake up.") He folded his arms and leaned slightly back against the wardrobe behind him, his dark eyes looking down at her with indifference. A casual posture, but she had gone through the hell of a journey to know him and know it was a gesture on guard. She went over and put her rucksack on the table next to his bed, then pulled a pack of cigarettes from her jacket pocket and handed it to him.</p><p>"Better hold on a little." She said, "Your system is full of Arasaka's refrigerant. There's already enough toxin to get rid of."</p><p>He glanced at her waiting hand and did not take the pack. Probably a bad sign. She shrugged and put the unopened smoke on the table, and began to open the backpack she brought. Johnny stood a few steps away, watching her like a wantonly observing large animal.</p><p>"What did Rogue and Kerry say? You know I'm not an enemy, right?" She asked.</p><p>"As far as I know, you are my savior, a goddamn lucky star. "He said it defiantly, and V wondered if anyone could have put the words My Savior in a more insulting way. Even it's such a situation, she couldn't help but smile.<br/>
"Don't do that."<br/>
'What?"<br/>
"Your face." 'he said." It looks like you know me well. You don't -- I don't know you."<br/>
At least he wiped the smile off her face. She fell silent for a moment.<br/>
"It's not as dramatic as they said, about your rescue." She chose to continue, "You can see it as...... equivalent exchange."<br/>
"Well," said he, "and what shall I pay for it?"<br/>
V sighed. Alt had warned her of this two months ago. She spent every night during this time thinking and preparing for it. But the wariness within these words still hurt her, and she tasted a sharp pain beneath the mask she was trying to arm.<br/>
"You don't owe me anything. You've paid up." She said.</p><p> </p><p>"Paid up? "Johnny repeated, leaning forward to have a better look at her expression. "So I had the city's best shot into Arasaka Tower to get my brain, and then shot into the outspace to get my shell, huh? Didn't know a dead man could be so rich."<br/>
"Not exactly like that." Said V." They told you about the biochip, and Alt?" She saw him nod his head. "So I didn't enter Arasaka Tower only for you. And you helped me a lot as you've been there once. When we got inside, Alt helped to separate us. She connected to Arasaka's network and found out that Saburo planed to build his immortal empire on the moon, with your 'shell' in it, too, if you say so."<br/>
"So you thought you should just go and get it?"<br/>
"So I promised you to find your body, just as you promised me to help me survive." V said, "You did it. Now both our promises have been fulfilled. So, yes, Johnny, you don't owe me a thing."</p><p>"I promised to help you survive?"<br/>
"You told me you wouldn't take this opportunity to occupy my body because that's what companies do to everyone: turn them into someone else." V said, "Having said that though, you actually gave up your second life chance to save my life, and I won't forget that."<br/>
Johnny watched her as he's testing the truth in it. At some point, V realized that he was not doubting her, but himself: whether he was the one she said he was. She met the deep black eyes unreservedly. After a while, he seemed to accept her story. He looked away, nodded at her half-open backpack: "What's that?"<br/>
"Something for you," V said, pushing the backpack toward him. "Guess you wouldn't wanna go out in Arasaka's clothes. When Kerry comes again, you can ask him to bring you some new ones."</p><p> </p><p>He grunted acquiescence. V felt the room eased a little. Then he went up and grabbed the pack, from which he took out his jacket, trousers, sunglasses, and a pair of old leather boots. Finally, he pulled out an old Samurai T-shirt from the bottom, inside which his Malorian pistol glowed silver. </p><p>He turned his head to her. He did not look pleased, somewhat confused. "Fuck." He said, "The hell?"<br/>
"This is..." V tried to explain.<br/>
"I know what are these! "He interrupted, grabbing a drop of his dark hair. "What's the matter with you? "He asked, gesturing with his other hand forcefully among the items on the table." Are you a fan or something? How did you even get those?"</p><p>"If there is a fan in this neighborhood passionating collecting you, I bet it's Saburo Arasaka." The joke was a flop. Johnny glared at her. "Come on, don't make such a fuss. I have money, okay? And before today, I hoped you'd wake up knowing me."<br/>
Until today V didn't think she was such a master of evading the point. The way she phrased it sounding like she just bought his old stuff as a surprise, rather than literately searching around the whole city to find them. And her words worked. She could tell a flick of embarrassment across Johnny's face. I would probably feel a little bit guilty too if I waked up to forget my life-matter friendship, questioned his every word, and yelled at him. She thought with a deadpan face. <em>Just a fucking little bit. I guess.  </em>.</p><p>"Okay."He muttered, catching up his custom pistol and running his fingers over the smooth silver side of the barrel. V saw his face soften for the first time, and a slight smile came into the corner of his lips. "...thanks."</p><p> </p><p>"You are welcome, choom." She said, smiling as she pulled the key to his Porsche out of her pocket. His eyebrows raised high, but this time he offered his hand. "Not sure if I should give it to you, in case you just run away in a twinkling. Could I trust you to stay here till Vic finish your tests?"</p><p>Up to this point, she had behaved so well. It was exactly as she had planned, calm, genial, methodical. Damn, she managed to talk through the defensive line of a pre-version Johnny Silverhand. She should be proud of that. But at that moment, things suddenly changed. She handed him the car key. Johnny reached out his hand, and his human fingers touched her palm.</p><p>An electric shock of memories suddenly overwhelmed her. She saw herself turning back from her seat, laughing out as the Pacific high wind swept through his forehead. Saw him sitting in the corner of her mattress in the night, slowly playing the tone of a music. Saw them together in the car through the wilderness, watching the blood-red sunset falling to the dark skyline.</p><p>
  <em>.  ... And saw in the blue and red cyberspace, Alt announced the doomed fate. "He will not remember." the AI said. "The damaged chip shall only restart in an original saved state." " We will do it." V said, and she decided her plan. He turned to her, face full of rage. His fingers grabbed around her hair and pressed her so hard to him, for the first and last time, to his lips.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"How dare you -- if you dare to give up on me --" he demanded her in the stormy connection of desire and pain. And she gasped in despair. "I promise I won't." She said. And that was a lie.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The feeling was so sharp, so hurt, that V stepped back and dropped the car key on the ground. She inhaled slowly, trying to cover up the sudden attack. But when she looked up, she saw Johnny staring at her, his eyes wide open, teeth clenched:</p><p>"What the hell is that?"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*violence mentioned.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>***</p><p>He didn't handle it right, Johnny could admit it, but it was indeed a complicated situation.</p><p>Rogue explained the chip, Kerry explained the Crystal Palace, but no one explained this deep sense of anxiety and void. He's not sure did he get the feeling from Mikoshi or just inherited it from his last life. Did the real-life feel so lonely? Maybe it did. He couldn't remember.</p><p>Unexpectedly, as V approached him, he felt much better. The pain that bit through the chest, the chill that pierced the bone, all slowly diluted. When he looked down at her slightly, it felt right -- as if he was used to talking to people from this height, looking for eyes.</p><p>When she began to speak, he felt relieved then suspicious: there should be some poison in the free-offered candy, must be. He tried to find a loophole. But what she said was...not bad. She said he had chosen to save her life. She said she meant to bring gifts. No matter how the whole crazy thing worked, it tasted good, and he did smile. Until that moment — </p><p>The emotions carried by her fingertips attacked him. Hope, pain, guilt. Death had blunted his senses, but the pain hit him strong like a surge. He took a step back in shock and questioned her.<br/>
For a moment, she looked scared and clumsy. She asked: "What did you see?"<br/>
Johnny was not angry at the time.<br/>
"Some feelings." He said, not sure what he was talking about, "You felt pain, you felt you... betrayed me?"</p><p>"No," she said quickly and firmly, her face assembled back to normal. "Sorry about that. When you were in my head, our minds were mixed. You may think these memories are about you. It's just an illusion."<br/>
But it wasn't right, her face was strange and her tone was unusual. Johnny saw it through without any difficulty.<br/>
"You're lying." </p><p>She paused, then she headed up, her bright eyes looking straight at him, looking so sincere, but it was the look she had when she wanted to make something up, the way she used to <em>fool  </em> people. "I mean —"<br/>
"You <em>are  </em>."</p><p>He felt the shock of his tone. It didn't make any sense. A few minutes ago, he didn't even trust her. But now, the feeling of being betrayed burned into his throat. </p><p>A look of surprise and regret acrossed her face. She felt it, and she understood his irrational anger before himself. How the hell did that happen? Did he feel her through kind of invisible waves, did he— were they even in a real-world? Or was this some fucking cyber dream?</p><p>The idea froze him. That's right. That's the truth. He never woke up in a new world, never old friends alive, never one to talk to. And for sure there was never a person breaking into heaven and hell to rescue him out. He's still in death, sinking the boundless ocean. The dead were noisy. Saburo said. They were eager to talk. He was so desperate to feel something in the cold darkness and they were giving him — what did they want him to do?!</p><p>"Johnny —"<br/>
"Fuck off." He turned to get the door, which he should have done a long time ago instead of being stuck here. Maybe those engineers didn't even make any models outside of this room. The door clicked shut. Sure it would.<br/>
"Don't leave now, let me explain —"<br/>
She followed behind, trying to stop him. He lifted his robotic arm, grabbed her by the neck, and slammed her against the wall.</p><p>She grabbed his mechanic arm. Under her glossy arm skin a string of pale gold blades stretched out to threaten his chest. Johnny pressed forward without a blink. The blades retracted instantly before the first blood gushing.</p><p>"Are you insane?!" She yelled in horror.<br/>
"You don't know how insane I could be." he cursed. "Now open the damn door! Or can't you do it?"<br/>
"You're not stable to —"<br/>
"What does it even mean? What do you want from me!"</p><p>Now there was understanding in her eyes, that damn look!<br/>
"Ok, I've opened the door," she gently whispered, and the electronic lock clicked again. "Just calm down, it's not Mikoshi, it's not a dream —"</p><p>"— and how the hell do you know that? !"</p><p>It drove him so mad. He pressed harder and looked her straight in the eyes.<br/>
"They put you in my head? A woman I want? What's next? What are you hiding from me?"<br/>
"I am not —"</p><p>"You're lying!" He growled, again the anger swept over him, suddenly he forgot about the fake world, the dream and the door. He seemed to be shouting at her for a completely different reason, "How dare you —"</p><p>A heavy pain knocked him off his feet. He staggered back and, for a second, was bewildered by an unexpected encountering force in the illusion, and then a fist struck him again violently in the stomach.</p><p>Fuck. The boxing champion was real.</p><p> </p><p>***<br/>
V sat on the steps of the back alley outside Victor's clinic. Kerry came over in a silver sequined coat and handed her a bottle of medical spray.</p><p>"Thanks," V said, without picking it up. She curled up and buried her face deep in her hands. She sighed heavily, "Kerry... it's so fucked up."<br/>
"Sure." Kerry sat down on the step beside her, kicking away a dirty soda can with his expensive boot. "Johnny has a hard time accepting the real world. Who can foresee that?"</p><p>The humor in it was not so good, but V laughed so hard to tears. Kerry gave her a concerned look as she wiped her eyes quickly with hands. She handed Kerry the Porsche key that she had picked up near the door.<br/>
"You give it to him. I'd keep the distance for a while."<br/>
Kerry looked at the car key and whistled. "Jesus Christ, where did you get it?"<br/>
"Some dead trash." It had been a few months, but the thought of Grayson's hand holding Johnny's weapon still chilled her tone. Kerry studied her face.<br/>
"Well, I always have this question," he said, making a vague gesture. "You guys were... weren't you?"<br/>
V hesitated.<br/>
"yeah."<br/>
"I knew it!" He clapped his legs. "So how did you two do it, I mean, like a Braindance?"<br/>
"Fuck you!" V laughed. "I didn't mean that!"<br/>
"Hell," Kerry remarked, "So he didn't even ask for sex, which made it worse."<br/>
"Get out."<br/>
Kerry sighed and fell silent for a moment.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Girl."<br/>
"It's fine."<br/>
There was a moment she felt an impulse to tell Kerry everything.<em> I knew it would be like this, she wanted to say, I knew he'd forget me, and I'll probably be dead in a few months. I know I'd better get out of here but I just can't. Every time I look around I so long to see another part of my soul. I want to enjoy my last moments. And, now I am worried about him.<br/>
</em>
But she held back. Kerry's a good friend, but he'd tell Johnny.</p><p>"I hate to say it," Kerry began, "but you could think of it as a preview. Johnny lives in his own world. It's hard. And it hurts. Maybe it's a good idea to let him go."<br/>
"I know that. But today, it's not entirely his fault," said V, pressing her forehead with a cold palm. "I didn't do it right…"<br/>
"Let me share a good little trick with you: stop blaming yourself." Kerry said. "Thanks to this I survived to today and made some no small achievements."<br/>
V couldn't help laughing.<br/>
"Copy that."<br/>
"I'm serious, Kid. Got to know this 2023 version, and I paid 50 years of anti-depressant bills."<br/>
"But you still love him."<br/>
"You've changed him a lot."<br/>
"You know that's not true," said V, "The Johnny I knew was the same man you knew 50 years ago. He decided to save me since day one. And it's him who wanted to do something for you. He cares. It's just death gave him a chance to admit it."<br/>
Kerry opened his mouth and shut it. He turned to look at V with a strange expression. He didn't say anything for a while, and V got a little annoyed.<br/>
"Don't you--"<br/>
"Didn't say a word." Kerry raised two hands high. He got up from the steps, took a few steps, then turned around and threw the Porsche key back to her. V caught it instinctively.</p><p>"Listen, you two kids figure it out yourselves," Kerry said, pointing to her, then to the clinic, then wore back his gold sunglasses. "I'm not being in this drama."</p><p> </p><p>***<br/>
"Kerry said that he needed to see the outside world to feel the reality." Misty said gently, "And Victor said he was, uh, not responsible for the mental part. I think Victor's still unhappy."<br/>
"You mean Vic's still mad at me." V absently murmured. She looked at the roof where Misty was pointing. She's been there before, at the night when they made the final decision before the Arasaka Tower mission. And what they decided was to do it with each other, to stick together till the end. V almost felt fear. She could give the key to Misty, but she stood straight and went up.<br/>
Compared to all the other tasks she once faced with, what she wanted now was nearly negligible. She could bring back a lost soul from the Moon. Of course she could deal with this.</p><p>Johnny was there, back towards her, sitting cross-legged on the edge of the roof, several cigarette butts dropped near his boots.<br/>
He had changed into his old clothes, his half-length black hair hanging over the side face, his sunglasses slung on his shirt collar. The setting sun bordered him with gold. V looked behind him for a moment.</p><p>Twilight was falling on the night city. Voices and music crisscrossed the heavy traffic. Colorful crowds thronged through the pedestrian street. Warm lights came on one by one from mega-buildings to slum shelters. Not far below the roof, a gang of young Tiger Claw punks were bickering, seemed close to turn into a fistfight. Several girls were rowdy jeering. One food truck on the side of the road was smoking some white spicy steams.</p><p>Johnny reached over to stub out a half-used cigarette against the railing. She felt that he knew she was standing there.<br/>
"Is it real enough?" She asked with a smile.<br/>
"Ha Ha," he said dryly, throwing aside the cigarette butt. "Real enough to know no one shall try so hard to fool me."<br/>
"So, about downstairs..."<br/>
"Overreacted it," he said. "Shouldn't do that."<br/>
He turned and landed on his feet to the ground. His eyes met the bruise around her neck.<br/>
It paused him for a few seconds, and he said, "I'm sorry."</p><p>V was even a little surprised: "You know the first time we took a whole day to get the 'not going to kill you' phase? Nice progress."<br/>
"You pulled me back from the fucking Moon and I tried to strangle you," he said, a bit irritated. "Most people'd apologize."<br/>
"Well you're not most people."<br/>
Johnny didn't laugh.<br/>
"When I asked you what that was, you didn't tell the truth," he turned straight to the topic, making a strike at his right chest with his clenched metal hand, eyes fixed to her face, "Don't know how it works, but I can feel it."<br/>
"I didn't expect that, either," V said, stepping forward to the railing. "They did tell me the chip was too deep progressing to separate cleanly, probably are the residual effects. Fragments of a spiritual connection."<br/>
"That's not the question I asked."<br/>
Yeah, the "lying" question.<br/>
"... Oh, that thing." V said with a sigh.<br/>
She's ready for this, and she carefully stated every word.<br/>
"This may sound strange," she said, "you know, though with all your personality, when I was stuck with you, I was happy. I was dying, rotting from the inside, but I was not alone. When I took my every step to the doom, there's always one person who's behind me, understood me, heard my voice no matter how desperate and stupid I was, that's... that's good. I thought I fell in love with you."<br/>
"I don't want it that way anymore," she continued, staring over Johnny's shoulder. "I still care about you and want to be your friend... so that's it, I don't know how to do it right."</p><p>For a moment, Johnny stared at her without moving. His black eyes observed her like daggers, trying hard to dig into her mind. But now they have not connected in that way anymore. She managed to look back at him calmly.<br/>
Then he said, "Fine."<br/>
"'Fine?'"<br/>
"Don't know how people of 50 years later react to this," Johnny said, turning back to the outside darkening sky. His hand reached to the pack and knocked out a new cigarette, "I've never thrown someone out of the bar because they didn't want to fuck me. Probably did the opposite, several times."<br/>
"Sounds like quite a scene."<br/>
"You have no idea."</p><p>V smiled genuinely. She stepped closer and leaned against the railing. Johnny sat a few feet away, the evening wind blowing his old jacket and brushing his hair. His elongated shadow fell past her fingers. For the first time after all those nights since they had been apart, she felt safe and comfortable. She had an urge to cry.<br/>
"Welcome back." She whispered.<br/>
He hummed as a simple response.</p><p>And for right now, that's all she wanted.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks so much for your kudos and comments! I didn't reply to everyone, but it made me so happy to receive them! Love you!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"And then those two are for communication and for the bank account,"  said Rogue, leaning on the leather sofa in her private box and pushing another plastic package towards him. "Behave yourself, will you? At least don't bother me with any trivial stupid things."</p><p>"I'm not sure." Johnny grabbed the two chips. "Heard the 2077 light rail line's pretty complicated. May need you to have a look for me.”</p><p>"Fuck you," said Rogue. Then her smile faded, and her eyes turned stern.<br/>
"One last thing. This morning I scanned V's scarf to find what's under it, and I dropped my fucking jaw." She said, "I don't care you have brain damage or something, Johnny, one more time I see things like that and I'll kick you out of this city. Don't be a piece of trash.”</p><p>Johnny didn't answer right away. He fell back on the sofa and propped his legs up onto her clear marble tabletop. Rogue's bodyguard gave him a disapproving look through the glass door. Johnny showed him back a malevolent smile.<br/>
“And what makes it your matter?”</p><p>"She's my friend and I know what kind of an asshole you could be," Rogge said. "I feel the obligation to protect her from you."<br/>
"Oh yeah, I didn't know you were a guardian type sweetheart," Johnny said. "I thought I was your friend, too. Did you protect me from Adam Smasher?"<br/>
Rogue stared at him for a moment. Her Cool Sharp Queen face dropped.<br/>
"You incredibly fucked son of a bitch." She gritted her teeth.<br/>
"Welcome back to the old world." Johnny snorted. "Now this tastes a little bit right."</p><p>"There is no old world here, and I don't owe you a damn thing," Rogge said. "I told you, Smasher was dead. And I've done everything I could for you. If you bring this shit up again —"<br/>
"-- you'll kick me out of this city?" Johnny said. "Can we not raise so many requests on the same day, honey? I'm not sure if I can go through all of them."<br/>
"I'll kick you out of this bar and delete the drink named after you," Rogue said.<br/>
Johnny's eyebrows went up for this threat. He opened his mouth to speak.<br/>
"And my request is not a joke," she continued before he could make any smart critics. "I didn't find you and beat you up on the very spot because I don't think you'd sink so low to do that with intention. You better keep that credibility."</p><p> </p><p>"Fine, the warning received, mom. But how did you know it was me? Maybe she has some other interests." Johnny's gaze swept across the bar and landed on V, who was laughing with the bartender girl. She looked heartfeltly happy. "Looks like a girl who likes it rough."</p><p>"No," Rogge said, noticing the direction he was looking. "She looks like the most naive girl in this damn city because she is blind enough to fall for you and let you do whatever you want to her. Do you know she can crush a team of full-armed Max-Tac by herself? Shit, I really don't want to know about this. So pathetic." </p><p>“I politely not remind you who in this room was once blind enough to fall for me,” Johnny said. “In terms of this naive poor girl, yesterday she actively told me that she was not interested, and I didn't get a damn chance to say a word.”</p><p>“Really? Wow, smart move,” Rogue said, pausing. “What did she say?”<br/>
“Oh, and now you want to know about it?”<br/>
“Share it and let me happy.”<br/>
“No.”<br/>
“Fuck you.”</p><p>Both of them laughed. Johnny reached to tug the bottle, pouring more tequila into the glass. But his face looked like he was having a heavy thought. Rogue studied him.</p><p>“Was I such a terrible input?”Johnny asked suddenly, after a while.<br/>
“My God, 50 years past and I heard this sentence!”Rogue burst out laughing, she laughed so hard that she had to hold her arms with the table. “I’m so glad we bring you back, Johnny. Every penny I paid in it worth so much.”<br/>
“Shut up.”</p><p>"And answer your question. Yes, Johnny, you were a fucking nightmare level. A selfish asshole who never cared. Especially the to die in a burning city part, a bloody trauma. Though the part on the bed was not so lame."<br/>
"That low?"<br/>
"That low."<br/>
"I mean on the bed part."<br/>
"Just comfort yourself.”<br/>
"Whatever," Johnny said. "I mean......"<br/>
He paused again, thinking about whether he should tell what was in his head. Rogue gave him time.<br/>
"She told me yesterday." He finally said, "She once loved me, but now she doesn't want it anymore."<br/>
"It's a good thing for her. Don't you bother her."<br/>
"I didn't!" Johnny claimed, "but she was in pain, I could feel it. Hell, I could see it, so damn obvious. And I couldn't help thinking, what the fuck did I do to her? It's kind of unfair, right?”</p><p>"You mean besides trying to strangle her the first day you open your eyes?”Rogue asked, “Forget it. It looks fair enough to me. Don’t tell me you’ve never known a girl coming to break up with you in tears. I’ve seen several ones right on this street.”<br/>
“Yeah, but usually it’s because I fucked another one,” Johnny said thoughtfully. “Or other three.”Rogue gave him a death threatening stare, which he ignored.<br/>
“But this chick? What the hell could I do to her? I was a fucking engram!”</p><p>“What a profound question,” Rogue commented. “If you ask me, it's simple, Johnny. You did being yourself. That’s bad enough.”<br/>
“Do you know anything about it?”<br/>
“Seriously?” Rogue said. “Let me think. You borrowed her body to have a date with me.”<br/>
Johnny paused. “Huh?”</p><p>“Yes,” said Rogue. “Honestly I appreciate it. Good closure for a so wound chapter in my life.  A peaceful last memory compared with seeing you getting your arm ripped off by Smasher. Feel much better after that night. But I'm not sure what you guys relationship was back then. She’s a kind kid, but I don’t know if she’s that kind.”<br/>
“Did we do it? With her body?”<br/>
“Shit, can you keep your mind one minute off from those dirty things? No, we didn't.”Rogue said. “Although you did generously offer it. The end was the end. That being said, I might have tried without you in her head.”</p><p>Johnny put the glass on the table and thought about this story.<br/>
“I’m a manipulating master, am I?”<br/>
“Nice self-reflection,” Rogue says. “Of course you fucking are. When she told me she was going to the goddamn Crystal Palace I had this thought in my mind as well. I genuinely don’t know what kind of drug you used on her. You’ve been dead for 50 years. Let’s say, Johnny, we were comrade-in-arms. I will risk my life to avenge you, but I will not risk my life to give you a second life. I know that the dead are dead and not worth the lives of the living. But somehow she was not clear enough to understand it.”</p><p>Johnny didn’t speak for a while. Rogue watched him with an expression of renewed interest.<br/>
“She said she was in love with you. What did she say about you?”She asked.<br/>
“She didn’t.”<br/>
“So fucking typical.”<br/>
“You think I was using her? To get her bringing me back?”<br/>
“Or what, Johnny？Have you ever loved anyone in your life? And don’t you dare to mention about your lady AI. I know how you treated her when she was alive. You showed back love to whom you loved? Can you believe it yourself?”<br/>
Johnny gulped down the rest of the alcohol.</p><p>“Fuck.”That's what he said.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you find this work update several times in the same day, it's just me trying to fix my English LOL, sorry about that.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>V turned from the bar to look at him. Seemed like she had come from a gig, wearing a short jacket and patchwork shorts, her slender well-built limbs gleaming softly in the bar's colorful lights,  a small silver earring shining on her right earlobe,  </p><p>Johnny noticed that she was wearing a kerchief on her neck, and that her boots were stained with dust and blood. In the tall glass beside her elbow was a blue-purple cocktail. It looked very out of place in Afterlife, the wild mercenary stronghold.</p><p>"What's this devil's drink?"<br/>
"Sparkling water, juice, syrup." The blonde bartender, Claire, shrugged from a distance, agreeing with Johnny, "This is an insult to my profession. Don't know what's wrong with her lately. If she wasn't my favorite merc, I would have kicked her out.”</p><p>"Drank too much a while ago. Victor told me to stop." V explained to Johnny with a little awkward smile<br/>
"I have no problem with your doctor, V," Claire said, "But imagine some young dreamers going into the bar and ordering a 'V', then I serve them with ginger beer."<br/>
"Come on." V smiled, "You enjoy punishing me with colorful syrup.”</p><p>She did have a splash of wet blue on her lower lip. Johnny sat down beside her. Claire delivered a glass without asking. The drink that Rogue had threatened to delete. Johnny gave her a lazy nod.<br/>
“I can see you’re going well with the new World,” said V, smiling at their interaction. “How was last night?”<br/>
“Why,” Johnny said casually, “Want to know which bed I’ve been in?”</p><p>He regretted it at the next second. He shouldn’t have done it, at least not within 24 hours of her confession and only five minutes after Rogue's warning. But V just smiled, like she knew he didn’t mean it. It got him a bit of appreciation and some strangely annoyed.</p><p>“No,” she said, “Worried you’re going through some side effects. I had some after removing the chip. Pains, sleeping problems.”<br/>
“It looks like there’s only one little princess sitting here.”<br/>
“Go away.”<br/>
“Am I wrong?”Johnny clinked her colorful soda drink with his glass. Several feet away, a group of Valentinos watched intently as he and V talking, and Johnny gave them the finger. “Didn't sleep, actually. Reviewed 50 years of the pop music charts with Ker.”</p><p>“Found anything good?”<br/>
“Super surprise: not all of them terrible.”<br/>
V grinned: “Welcome to the '70s. What’s the next plan?”<br/>
“I hear you’ve completed most of my list.”Perhaps he did get better at accepting the new world. Johnny didn’t bring it up in a negative way this time.</p><p>“Take it easy, I left plenty of room on the pop charts,” V quipped, taking another sip of her much-derided no-alcohol drink. “Oh, and you should get a new model arm. I told Vic to tell you before you left, maybe he forgot that.”</p><p>It’s really hard to think the doctor <em>frogot  </em> it.</p><p>“I thought you’d replaced it already,” Johnny said, stretching his robotic finger. The metal made a series of fine clicking sounds.</p><p>“Got it for you temporary, the system is one of the best. ”V said. “Thought that you could change later as your need. But after yesterday I felt like you should do it as soon as possible. The material is not good, way too heavy, and not fast enough.”</p><p>Her lighthearted tone even surprised Johnny: “Is that kind of user feedback?”<br/>
A smile. “If you say so, yeah. You looked a bit like a tank to me, strong but not very fast. Better pick up a few other internal plugins, like bio-conductor.”</p><p>Although he’d seen all sorts of people walking around with strange cyborgs on their faces, Johnny wasn’t used to this notion of the’70s. It’s more about being controlled by a technology company than just using bionics.<br/>
“Don’t like them.” he said bluntly.<br/>
“Don’t be stubborn, you know they don’t have to be shown on your face,” said V. “Did Vic make you a new plugin interface?”<br/>
Johnny pointed to the back of his neck.<br/>
“How do you feel?”<br/>
“Sold my soul to the Devil.”</p><p>“Come on,” she laughed. “Know you hate the idea. But have a try. Times have changed, if you meet some really dangerous enemies, you’ll get in trouble.”<br/>
“That hurts, kid.”<br/>
“I’m serious.”<br/>
“I’ll learn that when I meet one.”<br/>
“Well,” V sighed, then put down her glass. "there is one in front of you. Try to catch me.”</p><p>Johnny saw her pick up the thin stainless bar spoon from the glass and hold it reversed, and before he could move, he saw her face in front of him. Time seems to jump in and freeze. V. There was a violently cold light in her eyes. She held her right hand against his robotic arm, the cocktail spoon in her left hand pressed hard against the side of his neck.</p><p>Then his right hand got the time to fall on her shoulder.</p><p>“See?”She blamed with a sense of love. The dangerous-cold flash in her eyes was gone. She sat back and wiped the drink stains from her fingertips on her lips. “You’d be dead if I wanted it.”</p><p><em>A team of full-armed Max-Tac.  </em>  Rogue said.<br/>
Johnny forced his look away.<br/>
“All Right.”<br/>
“Let's move now,” V said decisively, pushing the glass aside. “Know a few good places could make it customed."</p><p>***</p><p>By the afternoon they were getting new parts for his car. V and the eight-eyed auto-parts seller started a discussion about the latest Thorton GALENA engine model.</p><p>Johnny studied with interest in a series of wildly designed '70s motorcycles. Across the street, a few girls were pointing at him and whispering. That’s when someone called. He didn’t have a handful of contacts. Johnny took his time, trying to control the holo through the newly gained inner system. He didn't figure it out while the holo kept ringing and joggling as if it's going to explode.<br/>
He eventually grabbed it straight from his jacket pocket: “Kerry?”</p><p> “Fuck you, Johnny!”Said Kerry, shaggy-haired and half-dressed, looking as if he had just crawled out of his coma-like sleep from last night. “How the hell could you disappear without a word?”</p><p>“Don’t want to disturb an 80-year-old man’s rest.”<br/>
“Fuck you,” Kerry said, slapping himself on the forehead. “Let me know when you’re out the door. You heartless piece of shit. Thought I was dreaming last night.”<br/>
“Did I comment on your eight-meter-high naked portraiture in your dreams?”<br/>
“Go to hell!”<br/>
“To meet Rogue. Thought you should know.”</p><p>Kerry did have been told. He fell in silence for a moment. Then he threw himself to the sofa with a curse.<br/>
“Calm down, you look like an old hen worrying about her lovely chicks.”<br/>
“I feet that a real hen never worries about chicks going drug-overdoes or getting their lungs cut out in some black alleys.”<br/>
“What kind of gonk needs my lungs?”<br/>
“Satan himself maybe. So where the hell are you?”<br/>
“Met V in the bar.”<br/>
“Really, you two are getting along now?” Kerry looked relieved. “ Cool, what do you think of her?”<br/>
“Not bad,” Johnny said, and he couldn’t resist. “Hot indeed.”<br/>
Kerry didn’t laugh back.<br/>
“I thought you said you two got an agreement yesterday?”<br/>
“Yo, you get your memory back?"<br/>
“Johnny, I’m serious.”</p><p>“Fuck you!”Johnny yelled at him, suddenly bursting into a rage. “I gave half my life’s good behavior to please her here because I don’t remember what the hell happened. Don’t you fucking lecture me again!”</p><p>That’s not true. He didn’t come out here with V for guilt. And even a few minutes ago, he was still in a not bad mood. But it was his old pattern of blaming all the anxiety on one obvious reason then throwing it to the closest person. </p><p>There was a frozen look of fear and hurt on Kerry’s face as if he had been waiting for this moment. And that look hit Johnny. He realized that it was the warning of his return to a crazy routine. When he was in that endless darkness. He saw this look many times. He took a deep breath.</p><p>“I'm not mad at you, Ker.” He volunteered, pulling his hair to one side and walking outside the garage door. He searched for the cigarette pack.<br/>
“Yes,” Kerry said, “I know.”He watched as Johnny lit a cigarette between his fingers with one hand. Neither of them said anything.<br/>
“Not here to torture you,” Johnny said after a while. “Not that girl either.”<br/>
“Good.”</p><p>“Might could be a choom anyway. She has some taste in cars.”<br/>
“You can’t imagine,” Kerry laughed. “She’s a nomad. You’re in her clan now. She’ll go through fire and water. But you already knew it.”<br/>
“Don’t really need that,” Johnny said indifferently. “The next time she saves me, she'll be up on the Sun.”</p><p>“Don’t blame her. okay?” Kerry said, rubbing his hair in pain. “You and V are both my important friends, Johnny, and I hope you good and don’t hurt each other.”</p><p>“That’s so sweet.”Johnny hung up. “Come on, this chick doesn’t even drink.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>***</p><p>V had a very nice couple of hours. She so missed walking through the city with Johnny, seeing him beside or behind her. The way he walked, the way he looked around, the way he raised his eyebrows at the giant Japanese band posters. Every small detail made her smile. Maybe she enjoyed it too much. It wasn't until she heard Johnny's voice yelling at Kerry in the backyard that she realized it: The memory she loved wasn't Johnny's. He was more used to being surrounded by large groups of people or just whizzing through the streets alone. It was strange for him to travel with her. And he probably hated it. </p><p> </p><p>She waited for several minutes before walked to the backyard. Johnny leaned against the garage door with hands in pockets, staring aimlessly at the row of motorcycles in front of him.<br/>
"Want one?"<br/>
Johnny turned and gave her a sharp look. V realized then that he knew she must have heard his yelling. That's not a long-distance anyway.<br/>
"Babe, are you really going to buy this street for me?" He said, in a very different tone, with venom as if he was expecting something.</p><p>"What's good of this street? Maelstrom dens at both ends. You won't like them." V side-sat onto a bright red motorbike, holding balance with tiptoe, "But I once paid for a penthouse, and it didn't even make me happy, so why not?"</p><p>Now the look on Johnny's face looked like saying <em>You were too fucking crazy that I had no words to say. </em> V carefully chose her words.</p><p>"Look, what happened yesterday was nothing. You didn't have to come out with me because you accidentally attacked me. Earlier  I just thought-"</p><p>"Fuck!" Johnny roared. He strode circles fiercely in front of her. Then he suddenly stopped and slapped one angrily on the motorcycle head. "Who the hell is the one with brain damage between us?"<br/>
"Huh?"<br/>
"Who the fuck do you think I am? Do I look like a teenage girl that needs to get asked <em>do you really like it </em> before every fucking step？" Johnny fumed. "I'd not be here if I didn't get my dick sucked well."</p><p>"Okay, sure." V rolled her eyes at the metaphor. "My bad."</p><p>Johnny looked down at her for a moment and let out a breath.<br/>
"Maybe it depends," he said, put back his sunglasses, and gave her an evil smile. "Anyway, not every day I meet some big league showing me around and paying my bill. Should take this opportunity."</p><p>V grinned.<br/>
"Be my guest."</p><p>Johnny did try hard to annoy her with crazy high-price shopping demands. V laughed at the thought that Kerry confusedly signing for a stack of ancient films, a box of 1920s vintage brandy, a 15-meter-long shark specimen, and a Doberman Pinscher with a gold-framed genetic re-built certificate. But after several times finding that V actually didn't hesitate to waste her account, Johnny gave up.</p><p>Gradually the air between them turned natural. Johnny threw out the limited courtesy he kept before. They restored a relationship in which they could attack and tease each other with impunity, more like what they used to do every day.</p><p>Toward nightfall, V called for her armored vehicle specifically designed to run in the Badlands. "I have to go, have people waiting." She said. And he said: "I did not know there were others in the line. Hurt feelings."</p><p>V thought for a moment. "You are welcome to join, you would like this.”<br/>
"Really? Because --"<br/>
"Shut the fuck up!" V laughed before he made comments, opening her trunk. "About to loot a Militech convoy. If you're going, try to find some equips. It's a good time to test out the plugins."</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>Later at night, they sat by a small campfire high on the hillside. There were at least a hundred people in this camp locating near the abandoned highway. V was disassembling a large sniper rifle. Johnny surveyed the landscape with an unusually severe expression. Many people in different styles of clothes passed by. They all waved to them as seeing V by the fire.</p><p> "It's nice to drop the worry of you getting your kidney cut out in a dark alley."</p><p>"I've realized there's something about dark alleys and organ cuttings that I'm not keeping up with," Johnny replied absently. "But you can keep it and let me get surprised."</p><p>"Just one piece of advice, never buy a secret Braindance from the black market." V said, "I feel you had a nice trip here? I'll introduce you to River tomorrow if you're interested. Then they can contact you directly."</p><p>"You guys are not just looting the Militech vehicles," Johnny said. "You are guarding this road. You're taking their territory."<br/>
"Yes," said V. "I knew you would like it."<br/>
"Where did all these people come from?"<br/>
"Some nomads, some locals, some came from other states just to go against the corporates," V said, "After Arasaka, there was a power vacuum, and other corps were stepping in to take over. A friend came to me and said he wanted to arm ordinary people and get them more resources. I think that's a good thing. But I'm not a leading type. I help in transport and fighting."</p><p>She paused a second.<br/>
"I'm not complaining. The shark is awesome," She said. "But I know you were just messing with me, and if you don't want it, we can get a refund and put some new equips here."<br/>
"Why are you doing this?"<br/>
"Why do you ask?" V asked in surprise,”I thought this was something you would support? Go against big corps, preventing from the next Arasaka?"<br/>
Johnny smiled a little. "Are you trying to say you're doing this for me?"</p><p>V took a while to answer.<br/>
"No. Not like that." She said. "I haven't thought about it. Back then, It just seemed like a natural thing to do."<br/>
The camp spreading lighting in the darkness. She looked at it.</p><p>"I once was a good person, you know, always trying to help out, giving a few bucks to the needy. But that's it.  I've never imagined starting things like this." She spread her arms and motioned to the camp. "Because... hell, who am I? Sure, maybe one day I would be somebody, I would be a legend, but what could I do even if I were Morgan Blackhand? The city would eat me, and in the end, the best thing I left would be a drink named after me."</p><p>"I never thought I could do something to change the city or the world," she said, "Until I met you."</p><p>"I know you felt that you didn't change a thing either," she eyed the dancing fire, "When you were in my head, I saw so much despair, so much anger. At that time I thought you were ridiculous. Everyone lived like this in this city and they all accepted it. Why are you so angry at not changing the world?"</p><p>"But after we had this journey, and as we more and more closed to our ending... I got it. I never felt so clearly that the world was unfair, that what the corps did to us was cruel... and in the end, I couldn't accept it. How about that we just go and destroy the 'saka tower? What to fear if I go and blow up the Moon? I can do it, I'm gonna do it, and I will finish it. Because what they gave me was rotten. And I could not accept this fate in any account."</p><p>"So, I'm not doing this for you," she concluded, "But I think you did give me some good influence, give me the will to do it."</p><p>She finished this unexpected monologue, feeling a little embarrassed, and turned to Johnny with a smile.</p><p>"I guess you are saying you put some good parts inside me."</p><p>Johnny didn't laugh. He looked at her without expression. The light of the fire cast a deep shadow over his chiseled face. Then he whispered: "Fuck my soul."<br/>
"What?"<br/>
"Nothing." Johnny said. He leaned back on the ground and looked up to the sky. "Does your clan have another empty bed? Haven't closed my eyes for 48 hours."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>***</p><p>At many moments throughout this day, Johnny wanted to hurt V.</p><p>Rogue was evidently right. He took advantage of this girl’s feelings, manipulated her to take danger for him, and broke her heart. He knew that he never minded using people who were obsessed with him. Because why not? Because so what? Those stupid, blind girls or boys spend their precious lives chasing a handsome, wild-mind terrorist, cheering for something their empty brains would never understand. Even if they had not been harmed by him, they would have flown themselves into other fires.</p><p>Everyone seemed to be praising V, but she wouldn't be here if she wasn't as stupid as the other groupies. She made a statement about friendship, but the feeling in her eyes showed it was nonsense. Johnny had seen all kinds of tricks. He knew the game well. He decided not to play this round and be kind to her because he had no interest in abusing her. Because he had crossed the line. He did feel guilty because he had put her life at risk. That's something he shouldn't have done. </p><p>He’s not sure what Mikoshi did to him. Maybe he felt like he had no choice.</p><p>But when V threw herself to him repeatedly, he could barely suppress the impulse. The moment that she sat at the bar, chin resting on her palm, obviously waiting for him. The moment that she leaned on his car, eyes followed him, willing to buy anything that interested him. The moment that she gazed at him with a small smile, believing he was not paying attention. Every time he felt the desire and anger surging in his body by turns: <em>Would you withdraw the obvious lie if I touch your face? Isn't that enough that I have nearly killed you twice? Do you understand that you are offering yourself to a dangerous egoistic person? And why don't you just leave and find you a better life?</em></p><p>He also knew Kerry was right. Don't do that to her again. That was enough for her. He’d better shoo her away as far as possible. But when she offered her next invitation, he still took it. His lack of self-control was as abysmal as ever.</p><p>It's fine, he thought. Could still do it. He could get along with her as a friend and ignore the intense feeling of attraction and need. It might merely be the natural reaction to the hottest girl he saw since his waking up. He had been imprisoned in the dark for too long. He just had to find some other women.</p><p>And then V gave that monologue to him.</p><p>
  <em> I never felt I could change this city until I met you.<br/>
You give me the will to do it.</em>
</p><p>Fuck. Johnny strode into the small camp assigned to him and threw his coat onto the camp bed. He buried his face in his palm in the backlight, and took a deep breath.</p><p>This was outrageous. Even in his standard. He shouldn't have insulted a thing like this. Did the desire for a second life shot really bring him down to this level? That he could abuse some thing that he once would respect? What was wrong with him?</p><p>Even in the midst of his horrible self-loathing, he felt heart-warm because of it. His accumulated frustration with the new world, his uncertainty and fear about the future, all thawed. There were people always fighting for the cause for which he died. His pain of facing the reality, his unyielding anger, his voice that once cried out so hard to the dark ignorant city, did not fade away. Even half a century past, there was one person who still passed on his ideals not because of him but because of understanding him. It was much better than he could have imagined.</p><p>Except that he didn't deserve it.</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Johnny threw himself down on the bunk and closed his eyes. Thoughts and emotions swirled deep in his chest. It took him a long time to fall asleep.</p><p>Then he felt death.</p><p>First, it's the Soulkiller. The most severe pain in his memory. The burning overwhelmed the whole body and reached the deepest end of the spirit. Came next the sharp pain in his arm, that it got rip and fell off him. Then there was a horrible tearing. Something had cut him in two from his soul, and the torn part still partly glued to his chest. Those fiery pains were followed by icy coldness. Mikoshi. Compressing his whole life into sires of flat code. </p><p>He sharply opened his eyes. The darkness. Nothing. Johnny jumped over from his bunk. He was trembling. His biological arm gripped tightly at his prosthesis joint, and cold sweat trickled down the nape of the neck. His chest felt pain. He's alive now.</p><p>He woke up. But those phantom pains haunted him. Now he realized that yesterday it was his subconscious asking him to stay up awake the whole night, it's fearing what was waiting in the dark. He turned on the light in the tent. But the black shadows all over the small space still made him dizzy. He rushed out.</p><p> It was even darker outside, the stars were dimmed, but the open field and the cold wind calmed him down a little. He walked slowly around the camp twice until he reached a cluster of still-burning bonfires. A night-watching man in the distance looked puzzled yet did not disturb him.</p><p>The camp was silent and the windswept over the land. He stood there like a lonely loser, a so lost man terrified by death. But he couldn’t go back. He stooped to sit on the rocks by the feeble fire.</p><p>He had no idea how long it passed. Then there was a rustle, and the curtain of a tent was lifted. Johnny looked up and saw V coming out. She looked like she got from bed in half-awake, with a too-big jacket over her t-shirt and her hair hanging loose over her shoulders.</p><p>“Hey,” she said, in a vague, sleepy voice.<br/>
Johnny looked at her, speechless for a moment.<br/>
“I told you,” she said, a bit reproachfully. “Princess.”<br/>
“What?”He said hoarsely.<br/>
“Side effects,” said V, “It's below zero at night. You can’t stay here. Come on in.”<br/>
Johnny hesitated. But V was already inside her tent. He followed carefully. V was taking two layers of blankets down to another fold-out camp bed.</p><p> </p><p>“When I came back alone two months ago.” she continued in her sleepy voice. “I need someone in my room at night. Panam and Judy took turns to watch me. You’d better be living with Kerry for a longer while.”<br/>
How could this work? Johnny thought. But he didn't say it out. V had crawled back into her own bed and wrapped herself in a blanket like a child.<br/>
Johnny slowly laid down on the bed opposite her. She pressed her cheek against the back of her hand, and one silver earring on her earlobe sparkled in the dim light. For a while. He just looked at her, trying to focus on the vivid details. Then he discovered the reason that why she knew he was out there: the campfire projected to the tent. She saw his shadow. This thought somehow relieved him. Made him feel like there’s something good in the darkness.</p><p>And then, before knowing it, he did fall asleep without a dream.</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>He heard people talking and walking in a distant. Maybe it’s morning. Maybe not. Johnny waited for a few seconds.</p><p>He opened his eyes. V laid on her side on the opposite bed, facing him. Her eyelashes long, lips parted, a hand on her chest gently undulated with breathing.</p><p><em>The world was real. </em> A great relief swept over him. Johnny allowed himself to breathe. He got up quietly and went to the door. The Sky was grey-blue. The air was fresh and moist. The camp was waking up in the early morning light. A line of sentries was changing watch. Smoke was rising from kitchen tent. Several tall strong boys were practicing their rifles. </p><p> </p><p>“Johnny.”V called him in a small voice.<br/>
“Here.”<br/>
V didn’t answer, and Johnny turned to look at her. V curled up in the blanket, hands holding herself like she's vulnerable. She didn’t wake up.<br/>
Once again, the strong wave of emotion swept him through. Johnny went back to her bed and sat beside her. First time in this long day, He let himself face this feeling of heart touched by a gentle hand. He’s never met a mystery such unsolvable. What did he do to make it happen? Why would she go through this and not give up on him? What did she see in her dream?</p><p>He remembered the action that caused the conflict when they first met. He felt her from her fingertips. The remains of a spiritual connection. V said.<br/>
Johnny looked at her face for a few seconds, she’s asleep. He slowly stretched out his right hand and touched her hand that rested beside her cheek. Nothing happened. He let his fingertips land on the back of her hand, then covered her palm, and finally, hold her small hand completely in his hand.<br/>
Warm and soft, but still nothing happened.</p><p>Maybe she needed to be awake for this to work. And this was an idiotic move. Johnny cursed to himself. He took back his hand, gaze inevitably lingering over the bruises on the delicate skin of her neck. He saw a part of a small metal piece flashing in the shadow under her collarbone. </p><p>He hesitated for a moment, doubting himself, but that shape was too familiar to him. He checked again to make sure V wasn’t awake, then reached and pulled out the thin chain around her neck.</p><p>It’s his dog tags. Flickering light in front of her gently undulating chest.<br/>
Johnny stared at the two worn pieces of metal for a moment, then let the chain go. They slipped back into her shirt. He walked to the tent door, took a slow cigarette in the daybreak light, then called Kerry.</p><p>“The hell Johnny? It’s 5am?”<br/>
“I need your help.”<br/>
“Fuck my life, “Kerry sighed, he rolled over from his bed, “Fine, what’s the problem?”<br/>
Johnny looked at the camp bed.<br/>
“I know I might have done some beyond crazy shit to V. But I need to know how to get her back.”<br/>
Kerry stared at him through the screen.<br/>
“What about the being the choom statement yesterday?”<br/>
“Fuck it.”<br/>
“Shit, Johnny!” Kerry moaned,” Could you have one time to make the decision with thinking about the result? What’s wrong with being the choom? Doesn’t she love you enough? I will not be in it until you crystal clear what you really want—“<br/>
“ - I want to fuck her so deep that she needs to beg me in tears.”<br/>
A pause.<br/>
“Okay.” Kerry said. “That’s clear enough.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>***<br/>
"And fucking ridiculous!" Kerry yelled at him, pacing angrily around their huge living room in his pajamas. Behind him was the vast specimen of the unfortunately refunded-shark. A group of delivery workers was scrupulously trying to lift this giant animal out of the house. "You haven't heard a word I've said to you! You can't ruin an important relationship of both of us just because you can't control your —"</p><p>"I'm not asking your permission," Johnny said impatiently. "I'm here because-"<br/>
"Because you know you screwed up! Otherwise? I know you too damn much!" Kerry said, "I don't know what the hell happened to you two before, but since she doesn't want to --"<br/>
"She fucking wants me!" Johnny shouted back, angrier than Kerry. "She calls my name in her sleep. She hides my dog tags in her clothes. Fuck, she marks herself as mine! Why can't I have her?"</p><p>"Because she told you no!" Kerry roared back. "Johnny! Listen to yourself! You're speaking like a jerk! Don't you think there's a reason she's doing this? Like she knows you're gonna hurt her? Do you even want a relationship? Or is it just that you really want it now and then you won't want it next week? !"</p><p>Johnny said nothing this time. He walked a few steps irritably and sat down on the coffee table. The other product of their irrational shopping, the supposedly extinct Doberman puppy, came blundering across Kerry's expensive wood floor and sat expectantly in front of him. Johnny reached out and touched its head. He beat the floor happily with his short tail.</p><p>"Yes. Like this one," Kerry said bitingly.<br/>
"No plan to return this."<br/>
"Just lying to yourself."</p><p>Johnny glared at him, couldn't believe in getting a lecture about responsibility from Kerry of all people. He opened his mouth to comment on Kerry's ex-wife. The delivery guys walked past Johnny with the mouth-open shark on their shoulders.</p><p>"Hey, bro." One of them winked to Johnny. "Sounds like a real spicy chick. Don't give up. I support ya."<br/>
Johnny and Kerry shouted to him at the same time： "Fuck off!"<br/>
This episode calmed both men down a bit. The shark was out. Kerry slammed the door and sank back down on the couch. The puppy began to bite at Johnny's boots.</p><p>"I don't know how long it will last," Johnny confessed. "But I never wanted it so much."</p><p>"What a true bastard speech," Kerry said listlessly. "But who am I, right? You won't change your mind because of me."<br/>
"Right."</p><p>Kerry choked by the response. He fell on his back to the sofa and scratched at his hair. Suddenly he began to look at Johnny with interest.<br/>
"So what the hell happened yesterday?"</p><p>Johnny didn't answer. He used a mechanical finger to divert the puppy's attention from his shoelace.<br/>
"All right." Kerry said, "What about this morning? Why did you come back alone?<br/>
"She's gone looking for some Aldecaldos." "Johnny said with clear displeasure." Throw me off to some stupid-head named Brook or Water."</p><p>"I suppose you mean River Ward." Kerry said, "I met him once, he's a nice guy."<br/>
"He has a disgusting look in his eyes."<br/>
"I don't know what inspiration you want from me." Kerry said, "But my idea is if you want to please a girl, at least try to be nice to her other friends."</p><p>Johnny thought for a second.<br/>
"Nah."<br/>
"What kind of a stubborn dog could hate both treat and threat like you?" Kerry yelled, getting up from the sofa. "I've had enough! You do whatever you want!"</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>It's near midnight. V walked into a small box at one quiet corner of the Red Dirt. Johnny was sitting there alone, looking thoughtfully over the dance floor. </p><p>He dressed in a new black jacket and leather trousers, his guitar holding in his arms, legs up on the glass table. There were bottles and cigarette packs on the table with a litter of manuscript paper. The little dog sat beside him, putting his jaw on the guitar case. When V came in, the dog raised his ears and looked at her in the alert.</p><p> </p><p>"Why are you here?" She asked. She patted the dog's head. He recognized her and began to lick her fingers lovingly.<br/>
"Looking for a quiet place, Kerry mentioned once," Johnny said, moving aside to make room for her. "And you? How do you know I'm here?"</p><p>"I want to say I'm not here to find you," V said, unconsciously taking the seat he implied. "No need to feed your ego, but your resurgent crazy fan groups are tracking you down all over the city. Earlier I walked through the Japanese market, and three black marketeers tried to sell me your location info chips."</p><p>She opened the holo screen to him. On the map, the urban areas were marked with different red dots and time stamps. She clicked on the one in front of the Red Dirt Bar, and immediately a bunch of pictures and videos popped up from different angles, all showing Johnny walking through the door with the guitar slung over his shoulder and the dog in his arms. Johnny raised one eyebrow.</p><p>"At least I know those girls with digital eyes are not corp assassins."</p><p>V looked in the direction he said, and sure enough, there were several girls in punk style hiding in different corners of the dance pool, with some cutting-edge electronic devices on heads, staring at her angrily.</p><p>"Now you know the celebrity chasing in the new age." V chuckled, "I am a little surprised, honestly. I thought your fans were all grandpa generation."</p><p>"That hurts." Johnny said lazily, "I don't fit 70's aesthetic?"</p><p>He turned his face to her and gave her a smiling look, a look that could only deliver by a man who fully understands how attractive he was. V suddenly face fevered.</p><p>"You should install a blocker plugin." She changed the topic, "Then those devices won't be able to picture your face. Unless, well, this is fine with you."<br/>
Johnny nodded without attitudes, black eyes still looking at her. V turned to the dog.<br/>
"He needs a tracker, too." She said, "You have to be careful. He may become the most famous animal in the town."</p><p>"Aren't you afraid that I'll return him as well?"<br/>
'Why?" V asked in surprise. "I know you like animals."<br/>
"How?"<br/>
"We had a cat once. A few months ago." V said, "We found it on the side of the trash can. I didn't want her at first. Jesus, it's hard enough to take care of me. But you sat there and refused to go."<br/>
"You serious?"</p><p>She grinned. "Okay, not that dramatic. Anyway, I carried her back and put her inside my apartment. And then you just can't let it go. I rushed out of some Heywood's dens, fell in an alley, covered in blood, thinking I would lie here till morning. You yelled in my head, 'V, you can't sleep here overnight, what about the cat?'"</p><p>"Sounds like a jerk." Johnny said it distantly.</p><p>"No!" She smiled again. "I knew you meant well, but you'd not say things like I should go home and rest."<br/>
"That's nice." She continued, looking down at his guitar case when she recalled the memory, seemed wistful this time. "Felt like...having a home."</p><p>Johnny raised his hand and snapped his fingers in front of her.<br/>
"Want to hear something?" </p><p>"Oh, sure." She woke up a little embarrassed. She stepped aside and took the dog in her arms. Two pairs of bright eyes looked at him. Johnny grinned a little at the view.</p><p>The song was peaceful and low, reminding the undercurrent flowing beneath the ice, the fire shining in the eyes, the night wind through the wilderness, and the first light on the horizon.</p><p>He put the guitar down, and V didn't speak for a while.<br/>
"disappointed? "<br/>
"No, I like it very much. Just didn't expect it to be like this." V said. "I thought it would be more... Johnny Silverhand."<br/>
Johnny didn't argue that.</p><p>"When I was in Mikoshi." He said, adjusting a string." That's the thing I miss the most."<br/>
"Music?"<br/>
"Creation. Or whatever it can be called." Johnny said. "I couldn't stop thinking, wanting to express, full of anger, but I couldn't record these thoughts in any form, and after a while, I forgot them. When I wake up in the dark, I repeated the process. Wake up, anger, fear, oblivion... I guess that's what death means. All feelings freeze in time and disappear over and over again."<br/>
"I'm very sorry."<br/>
Johnny shrugged.<br/>
"So, yes. Two days ago I was about to write something furious," he said. "But after going to camp with you yesterday, I feel much better now. I would say I see some good things: appreciation, hope, the joy of life."</p><p>V smiled.<br/>
"Are you saying you wrote it because of me?"</p><p>"No." Johnny said. He looked at her until her face got a bit shy in the wrong assumption.<br/>
Then he smiled back at her.</p><p>"It was written <em> for </em> you.”</p><p>For a moment, V looked at him blankly. Then a flush ran up her face along her neck. Johnny saw the water light in her pretty eyes. She bit her lip and looked away. Her earlobes turned pink, too.<br/>
"Thank you, I guess," she said finally, raised a hand trying to cover up her cheek at such close range. "I should go. I was going to ask if you…"</p><p>She had to pause to calm her voice. Johnny let her go and plucked at the strings.<br/>
"I was gonna ask you if you told Kerry about the side effects," she said, recovering. "Saw you out in the middle of the night."<br/>
"Oh, that," Johnny said casually. "We had a fight."<br/>
"What?"<br/>
"Said he had enough of me," Johnny quoted. "It's normal. He's been at peace with me for over 48 hours, a record."</p><p>V furrowed her brows. Johnny felt no sorry for Kerry.<br/>
"He can't do that," she said. "Do you have somewhere else to go? Like..."<br/>
She came up with nothing. Johnny's friend circle was too limited.<br/>
"Don't be dramatic, girl," Johnny said. "I'm a grown man. And I have that."<br/>
He nodded at the puppy that V was holding. Now the look on V's face was more unsettled.</p><p>"This can't work." She said. "Otherwise I don't need Panam and the others. Are you going to stay here overnight?"<br/>
"Why not?" Johnny said lazily. "If I want to see people, there will always be people outside."</p><p>The groupie girls still sat in the distance and stared at them closely. Johnny considered whether to push it harder. </p><p>"Guess someone will be willing to come inside, too."<br/>

V looked at his face, determining if he was serious. Her expression was complicated. Worry, anger, a little jealousy.</p><p>Johnny waited patiently for a second, two seconds, five seconds.</p><p>"You can come to my place," V offered hesitantly. "Stay for the night. Then tomorrow I'll call Kerry."</p><p>Perfect.</p><p>"That's okay." Johnny said.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>* I bring the dog in because ...it's Keanu Reeves, I can't stop myself XD.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>***<br/>
V did mention that she had a penthouse. But Johnny was still a little surprised when he walked in the door. The house was vast, cold and empty, nearly had nothing but the necessary furniture.</p><p>"I can't see how you like this."</p><p>"I don't like it." said V, motioning him to hang his guitar and coat in the locker room, "I was depressed for a while and bought some random things I didn't need. And later, I realized that moving back to my old place would only get people in trouble. Here, at least when people come to kill me, they won't shoot bullets into the neighbors' houses."</p><p>"Who's coming to kill you?"</p><p>"At first it was mainly Arasaka's loyal dogs. You can imagine how crazy they were," V sighed. "Then I developed my new interest, and there were other corps, but they made smaller noises."<br/>
"Is that why you're taking pills?" Johnny asked, peering a sight of her semi-open bedroom. There was one large bed inside, with a row of different medicine bottles at the head.</p><p>V answered vaguely with a nod. She went to open a drawer and swept all bottles in. In the way, she slipped Johnny a set of disposable toiletries and some clothes. A loose-fitting Samurai T-shirt and trousers.<br/>
The T-shirt was the 2020 touring special version. Johnny's attention got riveted. He unfolded it and found his signature on it.</p><p>"I know you're a fan. Any other mementos?"</p><p>"Shut up," V laughed. "You asked me to buy it. With the same eddies I could buy two men's heads in the City Center."<br/>
"That's not possible me."<br/>
"Yes, that's you, and it's you wanted to have a ride on the broken Sky Wheel in Santo Domingo."</p><p>Johnny made an unbelieving tut and let her win this debate. Then he saw her putting a new blanket on the other side of the only large bed.</p><p>"You sure it's safe?" He said, half in jest.<br/>
V looked at him in confusion, turning to the roof terrace.<br/>
"I believe Militech and KangTao have both given up, but..." she started, then she saw his raised eyebrow.<br/>
"Will you give it a rest?" She sighed. "Don't worry. I promise not to attack you in the middle of the night."<br/>
"That's not really what I'm worried about."</p><p>V leaned over and turned on a set of night lights on the floor. "There's a bathroom at both ends," she said. "You take a shower. Let me clean here up a little."</p><p>***<br/>
When he came out of the bathroom, V was at the end of the bed laying out a laundry basket and a saucer of milk for the puppy, who was loudly licking. She took a shower, too, with wet hair hanging down the side of her neck. She wore an unnatural high-collar shirt, apparently for hiding the secret pendant on her chest. Johnny could see his dog tags indistinctly under the damp parts of her shirt. He enjoyed a moment.</p><p>"Where's your cat?"<br/>
"Have Misty look after it for a while," V said. "I am not home much lately."<br/>
"What about your aftereffects?"<br/>
"Getting used to it," said V, and then she saw him in the fan costume of his own band.<br/>
She smiled.<br/>
"I've imagined about that."<br/>
"What, dress me up with your wardrobe?"<br/>
"Just wanna see you in any different version," she said in joy, throwing him another Samurai fan hat. Johnny caught it. "Your engram were always in a bulletproof vest!"<br/>
"Admit you want to dress me up, little girl."<br/>
"No, and now you wear my antique collection, it can't sell again."<br/>
"I'll sign you another one," Johnny said in a teasing voice, side-put the hat over his head. "Anywhere."</p><p>He bent over and sat down on the floor beside her. The puppy spun excitedly between their ankles.</p><p>"So what did you see?" He asked.<br/>
"Hmm?"<br/>
"At night."<br/>
"Oh," V said. "You know we were once in the same body. So I basically feel what you feel. Some in a lower level."<br/>
"And what was that like?"<br/>
She didn't say anything.<br/>
Johnny held out his right hand. "May I?"<br/>
V looked at him through her thick lashes. Then she offered her hand and placed it in his palm.</p><p>A slight tingling, it's milder than the last time.</p><p>Then he felt the pain of her memory: the burning, the dismemberment, the darkness. A white-hot scare of her skull getting punctured. And a fresher, familiar pain, the feeling like chest getting cut in two, along with the heavy loneliness of being abandoned. He now realized that this was the feeling of two minds were cut apart.</p><p>These sensations were simply overwhelming. But now, as the two hands linked together, he felt strangely safer. As if the bleeding wound had been tenderly touched and healed by each other<br/>
"Always like that?"</p><p>Again V didn't answer. Johnny retracted his hand, V followed to lean closer to him involuntarily. Then she drew back as if shamed of herself.  Johnny reached again to hold her face. He brushed her earlobes, pressed her soft lips with his thumb. The slightly electric tingling turned his palm from warm to hot. V looked at him as if she were in a dream.</p><p>"V. . ." He whispered.<br/>
V took a step back and nearly knocked over the puppy's basket. She stood up.<br/>
"Judy said I talked sometimes in my sleep," she said awkwardly. "Just ignore me if it happens."</p><p>And then she walked away, leaving  Johnny sitting on the floor disappointedly. He guessed that the chance of tonight had slipped.</p><p> </p><p>***<br/>
He noticed her before the show. She's hot. That's the first thing. She walked through the frenzied crowd with a sweet face but aloof expression. It was a conflict that always appealed to him. What's more, she had a holster under her jacket and a curved blade inside her leather boots. The iron-and-blood part of his career warned him of red light. She's a merc, an agent, or a corp spy.</p><p>When he returned backstage, he saw the girl again. She turned to him like everyone else. She smiled at him, also like everyone, yet her expression was so different. He'd seen kinds of disguises in this chasing game. Women, no matter how calm and indifferent they look, wanted to know him, to attract him, to subdue him... </p><p>But she looked at him like she knew him enough, like she already got everything she needed from him. She watched him as if she merely needed to make sure he was okay; as if she was. . . a family member, visiting him before a no-return travel.</p><p> </p><p>The strange feeling stirred strong anger in him, and with it arising, a thirst. He must do something to break that feeling. He walked up to her and propped his metal arm against the wall behind her head.<br/>
"Hey," he said briefly, nodded his head towards his dressing room. "you come with me?"</p><p>She looked up at him. Dark hair, bright light eyes. She still watched him with that eyes, the same eyes that set his heart afire. ... that made him restless, bursting the desire to hunt and bite --  her eyes were tolerant, with so much love in it.</p><p>"No," she said. "Thanks, but I'm not here for that."<br/>
"Then what are you doing here? Sightseeing?" He asked acidly, leaning even closer. His other hand made a rude gesture in all directions. "They all come for this."</p><p>"For being dragged into the dressing room by you?" She asked, a bit amused. "No, Silverhand, you don't know me. You don't even know my name."<br/>
"What's your name?" He asked.<br/>
She was a little uncertain now. She bit her lip, thinking about it.</p><p>"V."</p><p>It was not a name. In the deep end, his mind warned him that, but he couldn't care more. His attention was completely drawn to her, the soft skin, the gentle curve of her neck, the moist bite marks on her lower lip.<br/>
"Good, V," he said, his voice lower, eyes fixed on hers. He knew the girls like this. "What now?"</p><p>She looked at him in the shadow of his body, and she surely saw the desire in his face. Her breath turned shallow, finally realizing that he was for real. "I thought," she said slowly, "That I wasn't your usual type."</p><p>He raised his eyebrows, almost laughed.</p><p>"I don't know where you got that impression, baby," he said. "You're a hundred percent my type."</p><p>She didn't speak for a few seconds. But when he reached out the other hand to grab her chin, she didn't refuse. He leaned in to kiss her, more forcefully than he had expected, licked her lips in a lewd manner, and suddenly bit her with teeth. She made a small sound in surprise, and he rushed into her mouth, stirring her. She began to respond, licking him tentatively. He did not miss it, sucking hard on her sending tongue. She trembled as if she had been electric hit, rested her hands feebly on his shoulders.</p><p>As his robotic hand moved down to rub her chest, V whimpered from her throat and tried to push him out. He stepped back to let her breathe. Her lips were all red and puffy, her eyes foggy, and the distant concern on her face gave way to an unclear need. </p><p>Now he's feeling better, but it's not enough. He wanted to break her, made her confess that her needs were as urgent as his.<br/>
He grabbed her by the shoulder and pushed her toward the dressing room. She hesitated.<br/>
"Do you want me to fuck you in front of these people?" He threatened, hinting she the crowd around, those all gazing admiringly at them. "I'm all right with that." This time she walked.</p><p>He opened the door just as Henry and Kerry passed by. They both saw the girl on his shoulder. Henry whistled, and Kerry gave him a thumbs up. All his friends had seen her and knew that she was his favorite target. But somehow, this did not please him but instead aggravated the sharp irritation inside his chest. She seemed to feel the same, her cheeks burning hotter, and she turned aside to avoid eye contact with Kerry.</p><p>"Why," he said, slamming the door behind him and pushing her a few feet onto the sofa. Her back hit the couch, her legs spread, and his knees forced her Jean shorts. "Prefer Kerry here?"</p><p>"No!" She said, unexpectedly annoyed, and he could not help noticing the angry expression adorable.</p><p>"Then prefer me?" He continued. She tried to evade this question in the small space between his chest and the sofa, freeing herself from her jacket. The tight top shirt accentuated her perfect breast, which distracted him immediately. He bent over to suck the top beneath the thin cloth and stretched out his hands to shape her as he wanted. </p><p>The attack of both cold steel and hot human body made her shiver. She put her hands on his head, still didn't use any force. His knee rolled hard forward all over the sensitive core between her legs. She let out a breathless yelling and fiercely yank his hair.</p><p>"Good one, little princess," he headed up to her with a dangerous smile. "Never say I didn't warn you. I want it rough."</p><p> </p><p>***<br/>
Johnny snapped out of the dream.</p><p>He's in V's apartment. It's already dawn.<br/>
V laid a few feet away, slept in peace,  revealing a soft shoulder line till the duvet. Johnny swore at his brain in silence. He rolled over and stared at the ceiling under the dim light, letting the restless desire subside.  But some details were almost too real to be a dream. Johnny didn't remember seeing a strong snake tattoo twining around V's chest and abdomen. He tossed and turned several times, the sheets rustling.</p><p>"... Johnny?" V called vaguely behind him, with a bit nasal sound, a half-dream voice he had heard before.</p><p>Johnny rolled out of bed and strode near to the roof terrace. It took a while before he dared to answer.<br/>
"Nothing." He said.<br/>
He's starting to regret it. For some reason yesterday he thought it was a good idea. Now it's not fun. Shouldn't get himself in this before he's sure he could get it.</p><p>V didn't answer. Johnny recognized this pattern. He turned and walked over to V's oversized bed. V curled up in the duvet, breathing slightly. She didn't wake up.</p><p>What Johnny felt was now totally different from yesterday.  Now it's like a bucket of cold water pulling down upon head, all his rising desires extinguished.</p><p><em>What's the fuck wrong with you, girl? </em>Dreaming every day about a man who didn't even exist?  A man who didn't care if you live or die? He's about to lose his temper. They needed to talk about this.</p><p>"Hey," he said and sat down directly beside her. "V, we need to talk."</p><p>When he started considering his words, he calmed down a little. It was too early and he could wait for hours more. But when he looked down, V was awake. She laid there, trustingly open. She had been looking at him for a while.</p><p>"Hey," she said softly, smiling at him. "It's you."</p><p>Her expression and tone were all very different. He'd seen this look before, the moment when he tried to kiss her. Johnny didn't say anything.</p><p>"It hurts. J." She complained to the ghost who she had mistakenly recognized. She hided herself more in-depth into the duvet. "It hurts a lot. I'm always cold..."</p><p>"I. . ." After seconds, she began to grit her teeth. "Listen, I'm sorry..."</p><p>"For what?" Johnny asked.</p><p>She raised her hand to cover her eyes and turned her head to one side.</p><p>"Tell me, V."</p><p>But she still didn't answer. She shook her head in pain to avoid his look. Johnny stared at her steadily until tears gathering up in her eyes.</p><p>Finally he sighed.</p><p>"It's okay." he said to her quietly, speaking for the vanished voice, "You have my forgiveness now."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We are halfway on this story!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>V felt dizzy in the bathroom, and when she lifted her hand, she saw an alarming amount of nosebleed. She flung open a drawer, rummaged through seven or eight vials of medicines, and swallowed a handful of the colorful pills by the sink. After a few minutes, the medicine seemed to work. She changed the bloody shirt, looked into the mirror to make sure there was nothing wrong showing with it, then went out.</p><p> </p><p>Johnny had changed into his outdoor outfit and was on the patio watching the city in the morning light. He looked a little distracted, too, biting an unlit cigarette in his mouth. V thought he might be tired of her overly peaceful domestic life.</p><p>"Remember to install the camera blocker." "She reminded.</p><p>Johnny turned his head to look at her. V worried that she might look too pale, but he didn’t notice.</p><p>“Probably not,” he said, with the usual half-teasing tone. “How else would you find me then?”<br/>
“I have your number, superstar,” V laughed. “Speaking of which, should I call Kerry?”<br/>
“I’ll talk to him myself,” he said. “What's your plan for today?”<br/>
“I’m going to the Badlands. Aldecaldos is helping me with a case.”<br/>
“Could use any help?”</p><p>"No!" "V said too quickly." You go having fun."</p><p>Johnny raised an eyebrow in apparent protest at her perfunctory tone. But he did not object, grabbing his jacket and guitar case. The puppy jumped nimbly onto his shoulder as he bent over.<br/>
V followed him to the door and called the elevator. He turned again with a rare look of hesitation.</p><p>"V," he said. " There is something we should talk..."<br/>
'What?"<br/>
Just then V's holo rang. She glanced at it and it was Panam. She picked it up automatically.</p><p>"Hi, Panam." She gave an apologetic look to an unhappy Johnny. Johnny snorted, then he suddenly stepped close and gave her a rude hug with one arm, pressing his chin against her hair. An intimate electric tingling came with the skin contact. V looked up at him questioningly in a slight blush. Johnny sent back her a challenging smile, throw the guitar over his shoulder, and walked out in his stylish manner.</p><p>"Who the hell is that?" Panam asked over the phone, her eyes wide.<br/>
"Er." V said.<br/>
"V!"<br/>
"Johnny Silverhand." V said, "You knew about that."<br/>
“What? I didn't know!" Panam said, shocked. "I didn't know you two lived together?"<br/>
"No." V said, blushing again needlessly." Just last one night."<br/>
Now Panam's face looked even more shocked. V sighed.</p><p>"I'll explain later," she said. "So what do you find?”</p><p>***</p><p>It turned out to be a trip in vain. They didn't find the information that could help. It was late afternoon when V returned to the city. She was tired, depressed, and her fingernails with stubborn bloodstains. She let the car drive away and walked back to her apartment with weapon bags on her back.<br/>
A shiny silver sports car pulled up beside her and honked at her. After she became so famous, V met few people who dared to chat her up. It must be some typical rich guy with no knowledge about the Night City dark world. V did not care to answer it. It followed her insistently through a distance, keep honking every a while.<br/>
V finally turned with the cold meaning in her eyes. The katana jumped into her hand. She was intended to frighten whoever with the guts to harass her. But when she looked inside the car, that was Johnny.<br/>
One day did not over. He got a new set of equipment, looked at her with a smug smile. One hand laying over the car window, the rings on his fingers glinting in the twilight.<br/>
"Yo, the lonely girl on the road," he said lazily. "Going for a ride?"<br/>
V smiled.<br/>
"If you don't mind having sand in your new car."<br/>
"Her pleasure." Johnny knocked on the side door, motioning her to get into the car. "Won it downtown in a fast-shoot game. Her ex seemed mad though, probably paying someone to rob me now."<br/>
"Sounds good money coming," said V, threw the gun and the katana into the click-opened trunk, and flipped herself into the copilot seat. "Thanks for offering gigs. If I get the order, I promise to charge a lot."<br/>
"Shouldn't you refuse that for me?"<br/>
"I don't know, Johnny. What would you offer me to refuse an easy gig?"<br/>
"A night trip?"<br/>
"To where?"<br/>
"Where do you want to go with me, little princess?"<br/>
V thought for a moment. Her mind was still tired and empty. But for that moment, she felt pure joy.<br/>
"Anywhere." She replied with a smile.</p><p>***<br/>
They did wander around the city aimlessly. V pointed out to Johnny some of the interesting spots they had visited. Johnny told her about some mysterious landmarks 50 years ago. They found it in pity that a former postmodern graffiti park had turned into a food factory. But one underground pop music market was surprisingly still open. Later, V thought of a viewing platform they had seen at the edge of the city. They climbed up the hill and saw the whole Night City shine dreamily on the horizon.</p><p>"Santo Domingo does have a Ferris Wheel." Johnny said.<br/>
"But you were right that I was the one who bought the T-shirt." V admitted.</p><p>When she stood there with him, it felt like she had found the other half that had been long lost. The heavy fate, the constant pains, the dark past, all seemed to have been shared and reduced.<br/>
Maybe it was just feeling too good, this time when Johnny approached her. V forgot to draw back in time. His profile gleamed softly in the glittering city background. He put his hand gently on her waist and pressed her to him.<br/>
And at this point, V finally realized what she was doing.</p><p>"No." she said abruptly and pushed him hard. His kiss fell on the hair beside her ear.<br/>
This time the air between them was so different from the previous ambiguous rejection. This time it was too obvious. She could feel the awkwardness in the air. </p><p>Johnny straightened up, looked at her with no expression for a moment, and then withdrew his hand. He leaned back against the railing of the viewing platform, and his posture changed. When he no longer tried to reveal some tenderness, he looked like a lone warrior ready to jump into any battle. His strong outline, haughty attitude, and shadows in his deep eyes all looked cold and aggressive.<br/>
"Well, I think it's time to talk." He said.<br/>
"What, I --"<br/>
"You want it, but you can't accept it. What's the problem? Where do you get the guilty feeling?"</p><p>His words hit just on the core. V had nothing to defend.<br/>
"I told you I didn't want to --"<br/>
"Look in the mirror, girl," Johnny said impatiently. "I've known you were lying from day one. Are you really trying to fool me with that friendship crap?"</p><p>It made V speechless again. Embarrassment flushed her cheeks. She pressed one cold palm against her forehead.<br/>
"I don't want that," she managed. "I just need some more time... to change the feeling."</p><p>"Then why did you let me into your place?" Johnny said mercilessly. "Why did you even come out with me?"<br/>
This didn't make any sense. It's he who invited her. V bit her tongue. But maybe he got a point.<br/>
"Okay, it's my fault," she said. "I shouldn't have given you the wrong impression. I just thought we could still be friends. I. . ."<br/>
It took a little courage for her to finish the sentence.<br/>
"I'll stay away from you."</p><p>But that's clearly not what Johnny wanted to hear, either. He stared at her face for a moment, then let out a frustrated growl. He took a few steps along the edge of the viewing platform, irritably robbing his hair back. At last, he took a deep breath and turned.<br/>
"There's something I don't want to explain to you, V," he said. "Fuck, don't want to hurt you, but I think you need it."<br/>
"Go ahead," V said, staring tiredly into the distance at the darkness.</p><p>"You and the Johnny Silverhand in your head." Johnny said. "Whatever you think happened between you two. It's not real, okay? I wanted you to bring me back."</p><p>V slowly turned to look at him. She couldn't believe her ears.<br/>
"What are you talking about?"</p><p>"I'm a bastard. I'll take it." Johnny said bluntly, "I might have made you think I fell in love with you because I wanted a lot of things. I wanted sex. I wanted to be alive. I wanted you to be dead set on it because I needed you to do things for me. I did it to everybody, okay? But no girl ever believed this shit for that long. How can't you figure this out after all these months?"<br/>
V still stared at him in shock. Her lips trembled as she spoke.<br/>
"You don't remember what happened," she said. "you..."</p><p>"I know my fucking self," Johnny said, gritting his teeth, "You're loyal, I respect that, but stick on it is stupid. I'm telling you now: it's fake. I made use of you. You don't want me, okay, fucking fair, go having anyone. You don't have to live like this for a bunch of ulterior-motive lies —"<br/>
That's beyond her endurance, and V interrupted him.<br/>
"You don't know anything between him and me! Don't judge like-"</p><p>"Oh, now I am a 'him'?" Johnny taunted, "I AM him! Stray Cats? Ferris wheel? Is there anything you mentioned that I hadn't played before? Look, I know how to make a woman feel special. What made him so unforgettable, name it, and I can explain, did I even fuck you—"</p><p>V pushed him hard. Johnny took a half step back and crashed into the railing. He tried to grab her arm, and V shook him off. She hadn't felt so hurt in so long that tears welled up in her eyes.<br/>
"What's wrong with you? Why are you doing this to me? !"<br/>
"Fuck, V, use your brain. I'm saying this for you --"<br/>
"Don't pretend you care about me!" V yelled at him. "You're only saying this because you're angry you didn't get me laid!"</p><p>Johnny's face changed from shock to anger. V glared at him and tried to keep tears not rolling out.<br/>
"Don't quibble, I know that's what you want," she said. "At least you're right about one thing. I don't give a fuck about you. There are plenty of girls in this city to feed your excess ego, Silverhand. Go fuck anyone you want. Don't waste your time with me."</p><p>Johnny's eyes fixed on her. Infuriation and frustration passed his eyes. He nodded slowly.<br/>
"Very well," he said coldly. "Then keep mourning your biochip!"<br/>
He swept past her and left like a storm.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>***<br/>
"What happened?" Rogue said. "Kerry called me, said he hadn't heard from you in several days. Dominic said he saw you at the bar all night."<br/>
"I'm fine."<br/>
But he looked unsettled and tired. Rogue watched him with some concern.<br/>
"Johnny--"<br/>
"You have enough time babysitting me?" Johnny cut her short. He put a bag onto the table and pushed it to her.</p><p>"What is this?"<br/>
“V's," Johnny said. "Left on my car."<br/>
"Then why don't you..." Rogue stopped herself.<br/>
Then she said: “Really, Johnny? It's only been a fucking week?"<br/>
Johnny ignored her and turned to go.</p><p>"Wait," Rogue said. "You give it to her yourself. I had a job for her last week. She's supposed to be here this morning."</p><p>Johnny paused for seconds but didn't stop. Rogue saw him step out of the box and wait against the wall in a corner of the bar. She sighed a little.</p><p>V showed up half an hour later, wearing a thin trench coat, sleeves rolled up to forearms.<br/>
Though she was always a slender girl, she's well-trained, agile, and powerful. But now, she looked noticeably thinner, cyan veins visible on her pale arm skin.</p><p>"It's done." she said hoarsely, dropping a small bag onto Rogue's table. "And, Rogue, I'm going to take some time off. Don’t send gigs for a while."</p><p>Rogue observed her: "Having a bad time?"<br/>
V forced a small smile.<br/>
"Hey, girl," Rogue sat up straight. "I'm asking as a friend. Are you okay? What happened?"</p><p>V didn't answer. She glanced at Rogue's table and saw the opened bag. The guns and katana she had left in Johnny's car three days earlier. She picked the weapon up.<br/>
"He was here?"<br/>
"He is here. " Rogue admitted, then she saw V turn away. "Hell, I've never thought I'd say this, but V, you know what Johnny always is, there is no need to treat his bullshit serious --"</p><p>V's already on her way out. Johnny leaned over the wall at the corner. There was a short moment they watched at each other in the face. She turned around indifferently.</p><p>But something in her eyes must trigger Johnny. He suddenly moved to catch after her.</p><p>"Listen, I didn't say that to hurt you." He said fast as V crossed the bar.<br/>
"So kind of you." V said dryly.<br/>
"I tried to show you the reality."<br/>
"Appreciate that."<br/>
"Don't talk to me like this!"<br/>
"Then why don't you shut up?!”</p><p>She went around him to get out. Johnny seized her arm, his flesh fingers pressing on her bare skin. They both quivered as if there was a strong electric strike.<br/>
V threw off his hand violently. She grabbed her katana gesturing at him.<br/>
“Don’t you fucking touch me!”</p><p>Her angry scream rang through the bar, and the whole noisy place shut silent. Every merc and fixer turned their attention to the emotional confrontation between the two legendary figures.</p><p>Johnny took a step back from her outburst, as angry as her. He's about to speak.<br/>
"I don't care what you think!" V yelled again. "Get away from me!"<br/>
Then she picked up her sword and walked out.</p><p>The bar fell so quiet, the only sound flowing through was the music.<br/>
Johnny glanced over his shoulder. Suddenly everyone pretended themselves to a conversation. Claire began to wipe the glasses. Her last drink spilled on the counter.</p><p>“Hell,” Rogue appeared behind him silently. “As good as the old day, Silverhand. How the fuck did you even achieve this?”<br/>
“Shut up,” Johnny said coldly. “It’s your fault.”</p><p>“Blame me? Do you still keep your mind? I turned you against the girl who could kill the Moon for You?”<br/>
Johnny said nothing. He found the way out. Rogue instructed her bodyguards to stop him.<br/>
“Wait and explain this!”She said. “I don’t take the blame from nowhere. Tell me what you got me into.”<br/>
“None. It’s nothing with you.”<br/>
“Then what’s that about?”</p><p>Johnny stepped forward. Both bodyguards followed. He gave them a fierce look. Rogue softened her voice a little.<br/>
“Come on, Johnny. Let me know what happened.”</p><p>”... I told her about your opinion.”<br/>
“Which is?”<br/>
“I made use of her feelings.  When I was in her head.”</p><p>There was a silence.</p><p>"Fuck." Rogue said. "Let's not argue whose opinion that was. But what made you even say that?  Why did you do this to her? for fun?"<br/>
Johnny didn't say anything.<br/>
"Johnny?"<br/>
"What?" He snapped, "Thought she should know.”</p><p>Rogue looked at him for a moment, and her eyes widened slightly.<br/>
“Fuck, Johnny,” she said. “I’m very sorry.”<br/>
“Oh, yeah?”Johnny was irritated again, “To hell, Rogue, it’s none of your fucking business--”<br/>
“No, Johnny, I fully understand it’s not my fault that you ruined every good things in your life. ” Rogue said. “I’m sorry because, hell, I didn’t think it could be like that -- did you see your face?”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“Wow, who’s that?” River said pleasantly, watching V jump off the car, “You didn’t reply to the earlier message. I thought you will not come to this show.”<br/>
“I certainly will join this fight,  after so much preparation. ” V smiled. “But this might be the last one."</p><p>“I heard from Panam that you were going to leave with them,” said River. “Please keep in touch. I’ll miss you.”<br/>
“I will,” V avoided his gaze, “But the communication in the desert may not always allow it.”<br/>
She looked around the preparing motorcade, then her face changed slightly.<br/>
“Why is he here?”</p><p>"Silverhand? Wasn't you who introduced him to here last week?" River asked in confusion. "He visited a few times. That's nice. The boys were excited to see him in. But, let's keep it between us: I feel he doesn't like me ."</p><p>“Could be worse.” V murmured to herself.<br/>
"What?"<br/>
"Nothing." V forced a smile. "Where do you put him?"<br/>
"The last car of the advance team, you're both late," River said, looking at the form in his hand. "You two can discuss who's gonna drive."</p><p>V cursed silently.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>V climbed sideways into the driver’s seat. Johnny was on the other side already. He didn’t seem surprising that she’s here. V didn’t give him a look. The armed motorcade started moving, and the atmosphere in the car was dreadful. </p><p>The roaring wind, flying sand, and the headlights in the dark night outside made the car a twisted small world. V felt Johnny’s eyes on her. She focused firmly on the distant road.</p><p>After a long time, Johnny suddenly broke the silence.</p><p>“I went to the nomad camp. They’re packing up. Your car's inside. ” he said. “You’re leaving with them?”<br/>
V didn’t answer.<br/>
“Speak.”<br/>
“Answer me, V.”</p><p>V said nothing. Johnny reached out and jerked the steering wheel. The armored car made a dangerous zigzag turn on the road. Someone in the back screamed. V pulled back hard and glared at him.<br/>
“Are you crazy?”<br/>
“Answer me.”<br/>
“Yes.” V said. “I’m gonna leave with them. Satisfied?”</p><p>Johnny gritted his teeth. He pressed a hand on his eyes.<br/>
“If that's about what I said to you --”<br/>
“You are not the reason for everything in the world, Silverhand. ” V said, “I’ve decided to go with them a long time ago. I was staying here only because you woke up and you were as unstable as a damn time-bomb --”</p><p> </p><p>“So I am the reason!”Johnny burst out, his metal fingers clicked a harsh sound. “I didn’t know you were that kind of person who ran away from a problem. Was that necessary? Are you the one who said something about friendship —”</p><p>"Oh, now you want to be friends? Seriously?" V can’t help to turn to him, so exasperated, "You're the one who stood right in front of me and told me we couldn't be friends. Do you think I don't have my pride? I did everything I could. You didn't leave me any leeway —"</p><p>"I didn't give you leeway because you're in a fucking illusion!" Johnny growled. "I can't stand  watching you —"</p><p>Suddenly, a loud noise exploded behind them, a hot burning thing struck through the car roof and hit the back seat, and the whole armored vehicle was overturned.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>“They found us!” River shouted over the intercom. “Fire back!”</p><p>***</p><p>V emerged from the broken glass and fell to the ground, coughing. The shock wave making her feel the world was jolting. The car was on fire. She looked around anxiously, searching. Through smokes, she saw Johnny run toward her from a few feet away. At this time a clear and unique sound whizzed behind them, a self-guided tracking bullet.</p><p>Without thinking, V sprang to her feet and bumped into Johnny. The smart bullet hit her back in the kevlar vest. The two of them fell into a trench on the edge of the dune.</p><p> </p><p>For a few seconds, the powerful energy impact knocked V completely out of consciousness. Then, in the darkness, she felt someone fumbling for her breath in panic. She managed to grab his hand and pressed it. The dizziness passed and the pain came clear. There should be a horrible bruise on the back but that’s no big deal. She opened her eyes. Johnny was half on top of her, staring at her in the dark like a wild animal.</p><p>“Damn,” V murmured, pushed him off her. She sat up and reached to find her rifle. “Golden luck for that gonk  —”</p><p>She didn’t get up. Johnny pressed her back into the sandy ground.<br/>
“What the hell were you doing there?”He said in outrage. “Do I need you to cover me?”<br/>
“Shut up,” V said coldly, she shook off his hands and rolled over. “And don’t tell me what I do! “</p><p>She nearly climbed up this time. Johnny grabbed her body fiercely and flipped her over.</p><p>“I told you it’s not worth it! When are you going to wake up? !”</p><p>“Don’t you tell me if it’s worth it or not!” V roared back at him, “And you’re the one who needs to wake up! Johnny Silverhand, You think too much of yourself! Do you think you could fool me around with your hookup tricks? Who do you think you are? And what do you think I am? I can take down Adam Smasher on my own, I can kill into the Crystal Palace. I’m here giving you my life and soul, do you ever gain those by lies? You think you didn't need to give back your heart to make me love you like this, go to your fucking dreams!”</p><p>Bullets and explosions passed over their heads. Johnny stared at her without moving.</p><p>“And get the fuck off of me.” V said, her throat hoarse from the yelling. She stretched her legs to kick him aside. “I’m still mad at you. Don’t talk to me.”</p>
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